Unleash Her Desires

Sex is a two-way street: When 760 people were asked to define what sexual satisfaction meant to them, the majority emphasized that it revolves around mutual pleasure, finds a new study in the Journal of Sexual Research. 

But the results go on to show that good sex is more than just simultaneously climaxing. In fact, ludic sexuality—simply acting out your partner’s desires—was another popular answer. 

So how can you make sure you’re clued in on what she craves? Follow these fast and easy tips from Emily Morse, host of theSex with Emily radio show. 

Speak up first: “People have hang-ups about talking about sex,” says Morse. “And women often hesitate sharing intimate info because they don’t want to be judged by what turns them on.” So instead of putting her on the spot, break the ice by telling her one of your fantasies. Initiating the conversation allows her to react without feeling pressured, she notes.  

Keep it casual: You’re interacting with your girlfriend, not your doctor. So “the talk” doesn’t need to be some serious sit-down moment, explains Morse. Instead, tell her that you had the hottest dream about her last night. Inform her of the steamy details, and then gauge her interest in reenacting it, says Morse. 

Be inquisitive: If you want to find out what makes her tick, inquire about any intimate pastimes. For example, if one of her favorite shows is Masters of Sex or she can’t put down her copy of Fifty Shades of Grey, ask why. Bringing in a third party shifts the attention off of your sex life, while still providing insight on what piques her interest, says Morse. 

Stay playful: Between kissing her lips and playing with her hair post-sex, turn your conversation into a game of “would you rather,” says Morse. For example: Would you rather blindfold me, or be blindfolded? Would you rather be on top, or have me control the pace? “By keeping it playful, you can learn a lot about her preferences,” says Morse.